The Bull Dawg

Pizza Power!

Shane's # 5, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: HYPERSTONE HEIST!

Again, amazing memories with this game. I do remember getting angry when my friend would take all the pizza power before I could get some.  First, my parents never feed me, and then, my buddy takes whatever semblance of sustenance I could gain. That used to piss me off so much!  Even more than people choosing to sit in the table RIGHT next to me, when EVERY, OTHER, TABLE, in my hip coffee shop is open.  I feel like there are less excuses for that, than like, I don't know, Idi Amin waging war on his own country.  Too soon?

Decent game. Good enough for me to download on my xbox 360 and play for hours.  That's how lame I am. I think it's fun to imagine the pitch for even creating the whole Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle concept.  "It's like, they're turtles, but they're BAD ASS turtles, with attitudes and black belts. They love pizza too. Kids will love this shit."  Weird, but they were right.

Six Six Six

A continuation of commentary on Mr. Holtzman's Top 10 favorite games...

Medal of Honor

Mm... Medal of Honor.  It ushered in the golden era of World War Dos first person shooters.  Without it, we wouldn't have Medal of Honor: Underground, Medal of Honor: Frontline, Medal of Honor: Rising Sun, Medal of Honor: European Assault, Medal of Honor: Vanguard, Medal of Honor: Airborne, Medal of Honor: Heroes 2, and Medal of Honor, the self-titled sequel. Oh and the Call of Duty and Battlefield franchises. EA sure knows how to make a buck.  All part of the military industrial complex, I suppose.

Back when I used to rent games that my parents wouldn't let me buy, this was the ticket. It had the smartest AI I had ever seen.  These guys would actually fall on grenades to save their nazi asshole friends.  Effective?  Sort of.  Cool? Definitely. What was that? A GERMAN hand grenade?  Throw that shit, ah that guy's toast.  Wait, what's he doing.. WHAAT?? He threw it back at me? All these things were unheard of, AI speaking.  What else would I be talking about anyway.

I basically learned all my espionage skills, as well as the German language, from this game.  Achtung!, Dah, Nyet, Hasta La Vista Baby!

Honk If You Want Blake Griffin In RAGE

Now this is how you do a teaser for a game. Yea, I'm talking to you MW3.

Batman Meets Metallica

Powerglove covers original score for Batman the Animated Series and in Batman and Batman Returns. Kick ass.

Dear Darwin: I Read Your Book

Apparently Howard Stern believes that gamers are the pitfall of society. They are the soft underbelly and the degradation of further generations who would read instead of gaming. We are what is wrong with America. Yes, Howard Stern says gamers are what is wrong with America. Not washed up disc jockies who got famous by telling big breasted women to lick chocolate off a banana. Clearly Xbox is more brainless. If you want to make fun of gamers, do it right. Name your episode "Make Love Not Warcraft" and actually learn something about the game. Stern is using selective reporting. Taking one geek from a convention who jacks off to 90's Laura Croft video games and then applying the individuals thoughts and problems to an entire group of people. Selective reporting to prove an overarching theme. Two people got sick at McDonalds? Let's declare the quarter pounder a public hazard! There are a myriad of things to mock about gamers that are overwhelmingly true but don't condemn a group based on 1 test subject.

Elaine: So, because of a few bad apples you're gonna impugn an entire continent?

Jerry: Yes, I'm impugning a continent.

Here's Howard Stern:

http://www.gameinformer.com/b/news/archive/2011/05/12/howard-stern-mocks-video-game-convention-attendees.aspx

Super #7

Shane's Number 7, Super Mario Galaxy!

This is the definitive Mario game.  I'll disregard that the co-op is about as useful as using the natural birth control method, let's not kid ourselves. Still, the game is good enough to keep you off the streets and in your cool basement all summer long, where you can't hear the gunshots.  The only thing that bothered me about this masterful game was the boss battle in which our fearless plumber swings various balls around and annihilates Bouldergeist's hanging testicle. What was that about?

I take no issue with this being included in anyone's top ten!

jiggly PUFF

Shane's #8: Super Smash Brothers: Melee!


Smash hit!!! Super Smash Brothers was the definitive fighter, surpassing Tekken 5 as the deepest and most realistic fighter ever made.  In retrospect, I'd like to recall the 5 most annoying things about the game.

5. KO'ing the wrong Ice Climber.  Hahaha take that! What???  SHIT!!

4. Falcon PWAH!!

3. Pika CHU lightning strike and the DK Rumble

2. That goddam level with the floating ships

1. Alright, pokeball!  Eat THIS!  wait... Is that a fucking GOLDFISH???

Numbah 9, Numbah 9

Shane's #9: The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker

Yea, I played Wind Waker.  In fact, it was the first Zelda game I played, outside of Legend of Zelda: Links Awakening for Game Boy Color, which I don't think should count.  My alcoholic father didn't like it and flushed it down the toilet. And to be honest, I didn't even beat Wind Waker.  You know, saying I didn't beat the game isn't accurate. The ocean treasure hunt beat ME.  I wasn't like some people, who fearlessly bought the strategy guide and courageously tracked down each treasure, using detailed full color maps, step by step instructions, and their motherfucking Garmin. So I wasn't Megellan, and my parents didn't coddle me, but hey, at least I wasn't that phony survivalist on Man vs Wild, sleeping in hotel rooms while supposedly living off the land and fighting off the elements.  What a bitch. 

Again, this game wouldn't make my eclectic Top Ten. But, the game was good and a staple of the summer of Oh-1. If had played Ocarina of Time, I think I would have argued that game was much better.  In fact, I might still go back and play it. I prefer The Twilight Princess to Wind Waker, but it's probably only because it was easier to beat.  Hell of a lot of fun though.  I used to get a six pack of smiernoffs and a little caesars pizza and spend the night playing that game. Well the first part of the night.

This Should Buy Me Some Time

Here I present my selective criticism and commentary on Mr. Holtzman's prosaic presentation of his favorite games of all time.  Starting with his number 10: POKEMON!

I chose Blue, for the record. And fuck Pokemon Cards!

Pokemon, wow.  This game came out when I was in 5th grade, I think.  Back then, I was rocking the original game boy, while the Lord had blessed many of my friends with rich parents who bought them game boy colors  (Can you believe it, COLOR in a hand held game system!).  Manna from motherfucking heaven I tell you.  It's too bad my Dad gambled away all my family's money. I remember going through the sunday best buy target walmart adds, drooling at the Color in it's comic sans font. Goddam COLOR! I eventually got one. But I digress. On second thought, that seemed like progress.

Pokemon was my first experience with a game that was truly addicting.  I remember trying to going to bed after my first day with the game. Emphasis on trying. I also recall waking up at 2 AM and going to the bathroom.  I remember thinking I heard the Pokemon music, and thinking the game was in my hand. It took me a second to realize I was pissing on the seat.  That's what gaming is all about.  I think. 

But in all seriousness, I would not include Pokemon in my top ten favs. That said, Pokemon was my generation's gateway drug, an introduction to addictive and immersive gameplay.   A mixture of Zelda and Final Fantasy and Tomogatchi, it set the tone for the gaming life of many. 

LA Noire Is 3 Discs

3 discs! Of course that's only for 360. PS3 will just roll it off the line on one single blu-ray. If you are abnormally lazy, get the PS3 version. If you don't mind switching disks a couple...3 times than the 360 version will do. Plus, I like feeling how heavy the game box will be when I buy it. Weight means legit. Just look at Orpah.

LA Noire: Yes, This Is In-Game Footage