Resident Evil 4 Without The Pixels

Money Doesn't Buy Happiness? Really? Cause It Buys A Wave Runner

I'm a date guy. Blind dates. Dates the food (Be careful of this one though cause Indiana Jones almost died from a poisoned one), dates for movies. I didn't ask what SEASON the Avengers comes out IMDB! I want a date. RELEASE date. Not "Summer 2011". Give me something concrete to look forward to. So here we go, I'm laying some concrete for you guys. Here's the actual dates that some big games come out in 2011. Save your dollas.

Lord of the Rings: War in the North--Aug 24 (Xbox & PS3)

Madden 12--Aug 30 (Everything)

Dead Island--Sept. 6 (PS3 & Xbox)

Resistance 3--Sept. 6 (PS3)

Gears Of War 3--Sept 20 (Xbox)

Rage--Oct. 4 (PS3 & Xbox)

Twisted Metal--Oct 4 (PS3)

Batman: Arkham City--Oct. 18 (Xbox & PS3)

Battlefield 3--Oct 25 (Xbox & PS3)

Uncharted 3--Nov. 1 (PS3)

Modern Warfare 3--Nov 8 (Xbox & PS3)

Assassins Creed: Revelations--Nov 15 (Xbox & PS3)

Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City--Dec 31 (PS3 & Xbox)

Bioshock Infinite--Dec 31 (Xbox & PS3)

Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword--Winter 2011! cmon Nintendo! (Wii)

Grand total of....$890.00. Ya know, plus tax.

Zombie With No Conscience: A Continued Retrospect of a Retrospect

Shane's #4: Left 4 Dead

First things first, I'll eat your brains. Them Imma start rocking gold teeth and fangs, cause that's what a motherfucking monster do.


The game all of us were waiting for, but didn't know it.  Valve made a game that I will probably still play 10 years from now. Who am I kidding, I'll be playing the new greatest thing. But still, I'll probably still play this game next year, which is saying a lot, considering it came out 3 or 4 years ago.  I've only done that with 2 other games: Halo CE and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, of course.

Left 4 Dead kick-started the co-op survival game craze.  It realized many of our dreams: a zombie apocalypse with automatic weapons, ammo, and gasoline cans littered strategically across the land; the backstabbing of friends, without the realpercussions (real life repercussions. I'm rebuilding the english language); and starting fires without realpercussions.  In fact, I think the absence of realpercussions in video games in general is what makes them appealing.  I mean, you may get obese, develop diabetes, and get depressed. But that's a poor price to pay for creating worlds,  destroying cities, and being the hero or antihero of every story. And things like that. Video games are all about God-complexes, probably.  Naturally, I don't support many things video games shamelessly promote in real life, due to the realpercussions. God Complexes are ok I guess. THAT'S THUG LIFE

Left 4 Dead will always hold a special place in my heart. Right in between World War Z and Tale of Two Cities.

Hold Me

And I'd have given anything

to have my own PacMan game at home.

I used to have to get a ride down to the arcade;

Now I've got it on my phone.

Brad Paisley

Handheld games used to be grey blocks stuffed with a cartridge that took you away from 3rd grade math to pixelated mario avoiding goombas or turtles whapping mousers. How many times did I clean my room after I got my gameboy? Well, technically my room got clean and my closet became filthy. Things have evolved. We get it Mark Willis, you had the Pac Man pattern memorized because it was 1970 something. Apparently you and Paisley have PacMan obsessions. If you were real men you'd be obsessed with MISS PacMan. I don't think her and PacMan were exclusive. Tell you one thing, that games story line was BOGUS.

I didn't grow up in a generation that had two white paddles and a blinking white dot. I had a gameboy and a color gameboy. My best friend had a game gear. Us poor folks couldn't afford fancy SEGA handhelds. It melted my brain watching him play sonic on that small screen. The lava looked so real! Now however, in the words of the seer, Brad Paisley, I've got it on my phone. I have Sonic 1 and Sonic 2 on my phone. I have Resident Evil 4, Street Fighter 4, Streets of Rage and PacMan in my pocket. Their little icons right next to ESPN Radio and my Phone and Camera Apps. I've grown so demanding and particular now. When are they gonna upgrade Street of Rage to retina display!? All these pixels are bull shit! But in all honesty, it knocks me on my ass sometimes. On my breaks at work I'm playing angry birds and tiny wings, obsessively smoking and cursing those damn birds. Those boomerang birds are hard as shit to use. My phone is lighting up all day with game notifications. Your move in words with friends! Your move in Hanging with friends! Who beat my top score in Fruit Ninja!? Damn it! On my days off I'm exhausted from answering all these game push notifications. I was playing LA Noire earlier, which I finally beat, and was literally playing words during the cut scenes. Played JEED for 64 points?! What the hell is JEED? The messaging service for these games also cuts back on texting because I just carry conversations in app. I love my DS and I've loved all my handhelds over the years but moving gaming to phones is brilliant when done properly. I support igaming (trademark Apple!) but lets not forget that just because you HAVE brickbreaker doesn't give you the right to play it during board meetings. Remember how blessed we are, my friends, to live in an age where we can be constantly entertained and mind blown by a medium that 50 years ago was only in the minds of H.G. Wells and Huxley.

E3 Highlights

Left 4 Dead Rising In the Borderlands AKA Dead Island

The Bull Dawg